we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
