paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
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