Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize