I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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