I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
