No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
