i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
