if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
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