We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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