tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
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