We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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