Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
