who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
