Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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