Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize