the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
