I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
high people should be assigned attendants
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
