I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
