i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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