I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
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