What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
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