you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
So many bounce houses so little time
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
