The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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