It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Randomize
