Plan B is the new Plan A
Yo dont text me then not text me
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
