you guys were way drunker than both of me
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
There was a lot of him and a little penis
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Randomize
