Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
