My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Randomize
