well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
