I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
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