Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize