I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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