i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Randomize
