I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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