I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
two words: eviction party
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
