so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
