You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
you made out with another girl for some wings
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
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