just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
