You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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