It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
