i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize
