Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Randomize
