nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
