i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Randomize
