Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
