I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
