I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Randomize
