Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
