peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
