Got a toothbrush?
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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