Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Randomize
