I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Randomize
