i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Hippo gnu deer
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
