I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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