I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
She announced her abortion via fbk
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
