Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
