That's when you crack a 10am beer
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize
