the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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