I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
