my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Randomize
