I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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