I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
