I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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