I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
