It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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