The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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