I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Randomize