I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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