Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
