I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize