I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
