Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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